Published between 1675-1696.
A few definitions before we begin this one today. Again this song uses some archaic terms and slang that are important for understanding.
First is the term carman which is clearly an occupation. Closest I can come up with is an old-timey word for a delivery driver as it was basically a man who transported goods. It would also work to think of him as a truck driver with an apprentice, but not long-haul trucking. Of course, it’s important to think about the differences in the social structure at the time, where this would have made him strongly upper-middle-class as he’d likely have controlled a majority of the transport and deliveries, etc for his entire area. We know from the song he had enough to be able to pay for staff.
The phrase “a winging young spark at a wench in the dark” means the boy had that big dick game. Think Podrick in Game of Thrones.
When the author uses liquor in “liquor my hide” I think this had to have something to do with tanning leather, hence the modern term “tan your hide”. Which makes me wonder, is “I’m gonna tan your hide” a common saying outside the south? Ya’ll let me know.
Next, the word “cavel” means to raise a frivolous objection and may be one of my new favorite words…. Objection!
Now, let’s look at today’s bawdy tale:
A Carman of late,
Who liv'd in the City,
A sorrowful Dity,
His Wife was too great,
With their Prentice Boy,
But aswinging young Spark,
At a wench in the dark;
Now this his Dame knew,
And therefore stout Johnny,
And therefore stout Johnny,
Must tickel her to,
It happen'd one day,
His Mistriss came to him,
No question she knew him,
To be e'ry way,
a Lad for her turn,
Where's your Master, she cry'd?
With a friend he reply'd;
She then void of shame,
Said Johnny come kiss me,
Sweet Johnny come kiss me,
Make much of thy Dame.
Sweet Mistress I fear,
A woful distaster,
The wrath of me Master,
If once he should hear,
I play'd with your Lute,
He would liquor my hide,
You're a fool, she reply'd,
Take courage for shame,
O fear not your Master,
Boy fear not your Master,
But pleasure your Dame.
I count it no crime,
To dally in pleasure,
We'll Toy out of measure,
'Tis not the first time,
Nor sha'n't be the last,
Therefore come on my Boy,
Let us Pleasure enjoy,
Take Courage for shame,
'Tis sweet Recreation,
'Tis sweet Recreation,
To pleasure thy Dame.
Thy Master, I'll swear,
If once he should Cavel,
We'll send to dig Gravel,
With friends to Horn-fair,
He dare not say no,
But at home we will stay,
Then in order to play,
The Frolicksome Game,
Boy do not deny me,
John do not deny me,
But pleasure thy Dame,
Thy Corral and Bells,
And Whistle I know it,
If thou wilt bestow it:
For pleasures excells,
The [b]est in the Town,
Thou art Lusty and strong
And can lay me along,
Take Courage for shame,
Thou here in the Stable,
Thou here in the Stable,
Shall pleasure thy Dame.
His master by chance,
Then bring near them.
Did soon over-hear them,
And strait did advance,
With fury and Rage,
Like a Fellow Horn-mad,
He fell on the Lad,
his shoulders he paid,
'Cause John in his Pasture,
'Cause John in his Pasture,
a Tresspass had made.
Ah! what hast thou done,
So sad a vexation,
Was ne'r in the nation,
Horn-mad I shall run,
Without all dispute,
Oh ye villain said he,
I will not make you free,
But bring you to shame,
Because you have wrong'd me,
Because you have wrong'd me,
and play'd with your Dame.
Now, obviously, the lesson meant to be here is don’t touch what isn’t yours, but it’s so much deeper than that.
First, though, I love that it shows that people of the Early Modern age didn’t have the same ideas of repressed female sexuality as so many today think they did. I don’t know where this comes from, but I think it’s that people think about the Victorians and just assume everyone in the past thought women didn’t enjoy sex, or feel sexual desire. In fact, during the Early Modern period, they were often viewed as culprits in any kind of sexy shenanigans. Don’t get me wrong, they were still expected to be modest and virginal, but there was an understanding of women as sexual beings.
In fact, it was during this time that the Witch Trials began to weaken due to the newly re-discovered theory of “wandering womb”, which would eventually evolve into “wandering uterus” and then “hysteria” which women would go to doctors to fix with a quick finger or two. Somewhere in the deep cabinets of articles I’ve read on this where they explain that the suggestions during the early modern to cure this were dependent on the age of the sufferer. If she was a young unmarried woman, she needed to be married immediately. If she was an older widow, someone needed to… see to her needs. Either way, the remedy was the same… a good dicking down.
Seriously though, for those who are interested in academic reading in ballads, early modern views on madness or witchcraft, I’m working on building a further reading list on the website. I haven’t up to this point because so many are behind journal paywalls, but if you happen to have access to databases such as Jstor, you should be able to access most.
Sorry, I got a bit academic nerd there… Anyways…
Now we get songs such as W.A.P in which women openly declare their own senses of desire and lust. Something that was largely hushed down and ignored for a long long time. Anytime we repress something, it inevitably comes out in our shadows. If the collective cultural subconscious has a dream state, it’s art. It brings up what we are trying to ignore because if we keep ignoring the issue, it’s going to flare up into sickness.
Some may say songs such as W.A.P are too vulgar, but they are what happens when women are repressed sexually for generation after generation. The longer an issue is ignored, the worse the symptoms grow.
As for archetypes, we have one main one present, and that’s the unfaithful wife, a sub-type of The Seductress or Lover archetype.
The reasons the woman cheats is probably complicated, just as in real life. Often it can be from emotional or sexual neglect, leaving one of our core needs unmet, though it can sometimes it can be a deeper mental health issue, such as sex addiction.
An example of emotional neglect leading to infidelity is in Madam Bovary, even though the main character’s sense of neglect is heightened by her constantly consuming romance novels. Something that definitely doesn’t happen today, just ask anyone who’s worked in a library or book store.
Now, as for physical neglect, according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which you will find linked in the show notes, the foundational level of needs is physical or physiological. These needs include food, water, shelter, sleep, clothing, and sex.
They are the primary physical needs, and so if even one of them isn’t being met, the whole foundation becomes unstable, leading to an eventual fall.
Sometimes someone steals food and goes to jail, or during this time, to the colonies to work for up to fourteen years. At the end, they did not pay for you to go home. They basically just said… that’ll do, good luck. Those of you interested in this, please go take a look at The Transportation Act of 1718.
But getting back to the unfaithful wife and the story.
We have no idea if the mistress of this story was neglected in any way as the author doesn’t tell us because this song is meant to be humorous fun and talking about the desperation and need that can arise from neglect belongs more in Madame Bovery.
For whatever reason, this made me think of a particular scene from the show Scrubs where Eliot talks about her mother sleeping with the pool boy, and her mother’s overactive sex drive remains a recurring gag in the show. I tried to find a good clip of the moment with the pool boy, but all I found was the clip of her mom licking her fiance Keith’s face. Either way, it’s important to note that the comedy comes in with the upper-class woman sleeping with the help because it’s a way of taking power from the powerful.
The master becomes the fool from his own desire for money and power above all else even his own wife, who is more property than person. Hell, they use the metaphor of trespassing his pasture… sooo more pasture than person.
Now my brain has put pasture and pussy together and I don’t think I like that…. Pasture pussy sounds like the beginning of a sheep shagging joke.
Anyways, we do love to see the powerful pulled down. Robinhood being a prime example in just how much we love that archetype, but does it fit with our apprentice? I don’t think so. He initially denies her in fear of the master, but it doesn’t take much persuasion to get that dick thinking.
Let’s talk about his age a moment, because that’s important too. At the time apprenticeships began between 10 and 15 and tended to last around 7 years. So the oldest the kid could likely be is 22. Have you met many 22-year-old males who make the best decisions? I haven’t, but to be fair, I didn’t make the best decisions at 22, but that’s also because the pre-frontal cortex, or the decision-making part of the brain, doesn’t complete developing until about 25.
I think if we did make good decisions in those early years there wouldn’t be so many damn cheating songs. Which if you want a good list, I’ve linked a great list of 115 of them compiled by Spinditty in the show notes and transcript. Most of these songs explore the anger, rage, and pain of being cheated on or the way it makes us feel like a fool. So, if this song had been written today it would likely be from the master’s point of view.
I’m sorting through my memory and trying to think of any modern funny infidelity songs and coming up with shit-all. What about ya’ll? Know of any good funny cheating songs? If so, or if you decide to write one yourself, send it into submissions@bawdyballads.com
And so until next time a saucy g'night to all you beautiful bawdy bastards.
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